Aries: You opened this page hoping to read some comforting horoscopes and baseless predictions.
You have made a mistake.

Taurus: You will be briefly saddened when you realise just how much the people you love most lie to you.
It will abate when you realise they’re the only people worth lying to.

Gemini: You will never read this, and I only wish, with all my heart, that I could have told you this myself.
No on crosses me and lives.

Cancer: There is something growing in you, a flesh covered ball of teeth and hair and bile. No matter how you beg for it to be taken out, the Doctor’s keep pushing it in, with bloody hands and wide smiles.

Leo: There is a distant roaring, just barely audible, that only you seem to hear, and you know that it portends oblivion. It isn’t an after effect, just the distant prelude to the terrible silence that will follow the end.

Virgo: When you sprout wings during the next full moon, some people will vow to protect you, and others will try to burn you at the stake.
I am at a loss to say which is worse.

Libra: You will offer the sacrifices, chant the ancient rites and sanctify the summoning pentagram with the appropriate incenses and prayers. And you will succeed in summoning forces beyond your reckoning.
But your guess is as good as mine what their reaction will be when you ask how to be happy.

Scorpio: There will be those that say you are heartless, when you tear away the thorns that bind you. It’s true that they will die without you to feed on.
But Freedom does not come without cost.

Sagittarius: The Sun’s warmth emanates from you. A sickly glow of gamma and atomika radiates from you, when those close to you ask if you are well, you shall smile with bleeding red gums and tell them that everything will be okay.

Capricorn: You will keep telling yourself that he’s disappointed in what you do, rather than who you are. And you will be lying.

Aquarius: You see more fish than is normal. They are everywhere, in ponds, in restaurants, on the stairs of an office building. They look at you with wide open eyes, as if in terror, or perhaps in warning.
You simply wonder what could drive them to desperation.

Pisces: There are eyes from deep below that follow you everywhere you go, they never blink or waver.
We can’t all choose our Guardian Angels.